Posted in Archive, July 2024

12 years of Dystonia



Twelve years ago, Dystonia turned my life upside down, marking the beginning of a long and complex journey. Losing one’s health is a challenge that many of us face, but it’s one that few are prepared for. Initially, my mindset was consumed by the desire to “conquer” Dystonia and return to my career as a midwife. This remained my focus for many years. However, more recently, I’ve shifted my perspective to prioritize living a fulfilling life alongside my Dystonia. This shift has not been without its challenges, as I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that some of my previous goals are no longer attainable. Yet, I’ve found this mindset to have helped my mental health

One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned over the past twelve years is the importance of self-advocacy. I’ve grown in confidence in my ability to effectively communicate with medical professionals and educate myself about my condition. This confidence has been crucial in managing my health  I’ve developed a passion for advocating for individuals living with Dystonia and promoting greater awareness about this condition. I believe it’s essential to shed light on the realities of living with a disability and the necessary changes that must be made to create a more inclusive society.

I highly recommend Dystonia UK to anyone seeking advice or information about Dystonia. This charity was a lifeline when I was first diagnosed, and I still frequently utilize their resources today.

Posted in Archive, may 2024

Dystonia Superstar England – Shortlisted

I am absolutely delighted to share that I have been shortlisted  for the Dystonia Superstar England category in the Dystonia Awards.

As many of you are aware, I was diagnosed with Dystonia in my late teens, and over the past decade, I have been dedicated to raising awareness, advocating for those affected, and fighting for improved care and support.

I am now excited to invite you to show your support by voting for me through the link below, you are able to vote as many times as you like. I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to those who nominated me for this award – I am truly grateful and moved.


https://www.dystonia.org.uk/awards-vote

Posted in Archive, may 2024

Overcoming Fear – Baby Steps

After being run over last November I have generally avoided going out – for months I only left the house to attend church once a week. Sometimes the panic and anxiety would be too much and it would be a few weeks in the house before my husband would be able to coax me back out.

It’s now six months later and I’m beginning to feel like I am seeing glimpses of my old self again. I’ve been having regular sessions with a trauma therapist who specialises in EMDR. It’s been very helpful.

The panic attacks haven’t stopped but they’re not as severe or as often. I can see progress. The other week on my way to collect the children from school I heard a child screaming ‘Mummy’. That sound took me back to the collision. The memory of my son standing over me screaming mummy, the terror of not understanding what happened, and the overwhelming pain, consumed me. I found myself turning my wheelchair off, crying hysterically in the middle of the pavement. The difference this time? The panic only lasted ten minutes. I didn’t have to phone for somebody to walk with me, I was able to eventually calm down, and carry on to collect my kids. 

Today I need to go to the bank and update my personal details as I got married at the end of October, just 5 days before the accident. It’s a task that I should have done months ago but I was living in a vice-like grip of fear. To get to town involves crossing multiple busy roads. But I cannot avoid roads forever – even if I’d like to. As I’m writing this, I’m sitting in Costa not far from the bank. Allowing myself time for my anxiety to reduce. Pacing my journeys this way and allowing myself rest periods away from the road helps make the task more manageable.

Everyday is different and has its own challenges but I’m finally learning to squash the fear back down. It’s not a race to conquer it, just one baby step at a time.

Posted in April 2024, Archive

UK gov sick note proposal; ableist and stigmatising

In a recent move by the UK government, changes to the sick note process have been announced that have raised concerns among disabled individuals and their advocates. The changes are said to make the process more efficient and streamlined, alongside helping to further cut the welfare budget. A move that is not surprising by a government who have repeatedly penalised disabled persons over the last decade.

The new process specifically targets those with ongoing mental health concerns adding needless stress and stigma. Furthermore, the lack of accessible working roles for disabled individuals makes it even more difficult for them to return to work. Many disabled individuals face barriers in finding suitable employment due to discrimination and ableism in the workplace. This has become a more noticeable issue in recent months due to the focus on stopping remote work for many businesses. Without the proper support and accommodations, many disabled individuals are unable to work, this will result many being unfairly penalized under the new sick note process.

This move by the UK government is sending a dangerous message that disabled individuals are not valued or deserving of support. After the UN hearing recently on the violation of disabled persons human rights, it is disheartening to see further backlash against the disabled community. This runs the risk of  leading to further stigmatization and discrimination against disabled individuals, who already face many challenges in society.

The government must place more value on the account of  the needs and experiences of disabled individuals when making policy decisions. Rather than demonizing and penalizing disabled individuals.

The changes to the sick note process in the UK are worrying and ableist, and they highlight the need for more support and understanding for disabled individuals in society. Disabled individuals deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and it is essential that policies are put in place to ensure their rights and needs are met.

Posted in April 2024, Archive

Accessibility in the home

Living with a disability can present its own set of challenges, especially when your living space is not adequately adapted to meet your needs. This was the reality for me until recently, when we finally had ramps installed at our house. The moment that I was able to independently navigate in and out of my home was truly emotional and empowering.

Living in a house that was not wheelchair accessible had been a source of great frustration and limitation for me. Simple tasks such as taking my kids to school or attending appointments required the assistance of another adult to help me transfer in and out of my wheelchair. This not only made me feel dependent on others, but also put me at risk for injuries, and resulted in several dislocations.

The lack of accessibility had reached a point where I rarely left the house, only venturing out once a week at most. However, everything changed when we moved over Easter and were given the go-ahead to make adaptations to our new home. The installation of ramps was the first step in creating a more accessible living space, and over the next year a through floor lift and wetroom will be added.


The addition of ramps has provided me with a newfound sense of independence, allowing me to easily come and go as I please. I am now able to take my children to school, attend author appearances, and engage in everyday activities that were once out of reach. The ramps have also improved  my emotional well-being, by giving me a sense of normalcy and freedom that I had been missing.

A black front door with a grey ramp leading up to it. The house number is scribbled out with black lines for privacy

The installation of ramps at our house may have seemed like a small and simple change, but its impact has been monumental. It has opened up a world of possibilities for me. I am excited for the future as we continue to make our home more accessible and inclusive.

Posted in April 2024, Archive

Let’s talk about Ableism

The recent podcast episode that featured ableist remarks and disgusting views towards disabled persons has sparked a conversation that needs to be had.

When we discriminate and label disabled individuals with disgusting terms such as ‘mangled’ & ‘grim’, we are contributing to the systemic ableism that is already prevalent in society. The last thing we need is for discrimination to be given a platform and normalized even further.

It is important to remember that health is in no way guaranteed, and you could become disabled at some point. Whether it be from an accident, illness, or old age, our health can deteriorate. Would you then view yourself as “mangled and grim”?

For those who have been affected by the hurtful remarks made in the podcast, remember your self-worth. You are deserving of love and respect, and ableism has no place in our society.

Posted in Archive, June 2023

Hospitals & Consent

Over the last few years I’ve not had the best experiences at my local hospital. I’ve gone in incredibly sick and been discharged in a worst state multiple times. It’s got to the point now where I have to know in myself that I can no longer cope at home before I will agree to go.

The other night after spending several hours vomiting uncontrollably, passing blood, and doubled up in pain so severe I was unable to talk through it or focus my partner rang an ambulance. I dislocate multiple times a day and live with organ prolapse, I’m good at handling pain but this was another level of hell.

The ambulance we would end up cancelling as it was several hours away and family could drop me there quicker. I was sat in my chair, throwing up, crying in pain and quite frankly not coping. A few hours into the wait I seized. I don’t remember this. The doctor the next day told me I’d managed to seize out my wheelchair onto the floor, they’d had to scoop me up and get me round to resus.

I can remember throughout the night they attempted multiple times to place a cannula but failed. I desperately needed meds and fluids, and asked for them to use an ultrasound machine and ideally a consultant as my veins are extremely hard to find but also blow very easily due to my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. This request was ignored and they decided not to administer the fluids or meds I needed. I was there for over 12 hours. Eventually they decided to take blood from an artery by my groin. Again I requested an ultrasound and experienced Dr such as the anaesthetist on call (they are used to my veins and are patient) instead they pressed ahead blindly and painfully.

I’ll delve into this topic another time in more detail but please understand that a disabled person’s medical aids are an extension of themselves. You should never touch them without first gaining consent. While I was in the hospital I had the valve removed from my Cathater. They did not have my consent to do this. They had asked to attach a bag which was fine, I attach bags to the valve all the time. But I would never consent to the removal of the valve as then I would be on free flow which would cause horrific spasms as I have a neurogenic bladder. The valve is the only thing that helps manage these spasms. Yet it was taken off and binned without consent.

I was discharged that morning and handed a few days worth of the same antibiotics I had just finished and sent home. When my partner arrived in resus to collect me the first thing he asked was if I was well enough to go home. I shook my head but said nothing. Within an hour of being home my district nurses were calling another ambulance for me. My temp was 39.5, I couldn’t stop shaking and I was still in agony. There was a four hour wait and with how concerned my team were Damon loaded me back into the car.

This time they listened a bit better. We established that actually my bloods had shown a kidney infection and I needed a completely different set of antibiotics. But was once again sent home. Today I’ve hardly stayed awake. My other half stayed home to look after me and has had to wake me up for my nurses and meds. I’m exhausted, still with the raging temperature and just frustrated.

Posted in Archive, December 2022

Snowballs and Spasms

I have loved snow for as long as I can remember. I’m a winter girl. It lights a spark in me like nothing else. My eyes are forever scanning the grey winter skyline in search of signs of an incoming flurry.

It doesn’t matter that the freezing bite in the air adds another layer of pain to my joints, or the kiss of the snow brings on more spasms. All of that is worth the delight in hearing the crunch of the snow, the fits of laughter of my children as they attempt to stay upright (whilst their dad dramatically falls in the snow), watching as they all run ahead in a cascade of ice, snowballs , giggles and shivers. It brings me such happiness.

Our little exploration may have exhausted me, but it was worth every single moment.

Posted in Archive, November 2022

Fridays Ambulance Call Out

As the early light of Friday morning broke through the damp cover of night I lay in bed counting the minutes until my Drs practice opened. The pain in my lower back had been agony all night and I suspected my ongoing UTI had progressed. After a night of no sleep 8am couldn’t arrive quick enough.

By the time I arrived at my doctor’s for my 11am appointment my temp had hit 40.3c and I was in urinary retention, my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof. I can vaguely remember being encouraged out of my wheelchair chair and onto the bed whilst they phoned an ambulance. Shivering with fever chills, and desperately tired. Three hours later I was in the back of an ambulance on my way to the hospital.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen A&E so busy. The staff were amazing and after quickly establishing my veins were playing hide and collapse they had an ultrasound out to guide them. They hooked me straight up to antibiotics for an upper kidney infection and told me urology would make me a plan.

Waiting for ward rounds

Saturday morning three burly Urology consultants appeared at the end of my bed. “What would you like us to do?” The question caught me offguard. I’m rather used to staying quiet and listening so as not insult god complexes, or putting my thoughts across in a tonned down manner. When I explained I’d be happy to be guided by them, it was really refreshing as they took the moment to explain my options. I could that day under local anesthesia have a suprapubic catheter put in: this would involve a small incision in the tummy allowing them to put the catheter through and to the bladder. Alternatively I could have an indwelling urethera catheter and go home, to come back at a later to have the suprapubic catheter put in under a general. I chose the latter option giving them a brief explanation about my Ehlers-Danlos and how due to EDS you can pump me full of local but I’ll still feel everything. They happily accepted my decision .

Back in 2019 whilst pregnant with my daughter I’d agreed to surgery where they attempted to remove a large suspicious mole from my breast without pain relief or sedation due to the pregnancy. The local failed. I felt every cut. The team did their best to distract me but the whole thing was traumatic. I made the decision at the time to not put myself back in that situation ever again. So even though the suprapubic catheter is meant to be better long term I’m happy to wait a few extra days/weeks for it if it means they can put me under.

So why has this all happened? My guess is that it’s down to the Ehlers-Danlos. My bladder has been dodgy for well over a decade, it’s just recently sped up in its decline. I’m feeling a little emotionally up and down, frustrated mainly but I think it’s healthy to acknowledge that. I know this will all feel normal soon.

*On a side note if you use catheters and have any tips on making it more comfortable please get in touch!

Posted in Archive, November 2022

Motherhood and Pacing

Being a mum is without a doubt one of the best, and most challenging, joys in my life. Whilst there is an element of predictability, there is also the beauty of their ever growing imagination. We never quite know what they will ask next or what game they’ll invent. It really is a blessing. Hearing my youngest call out in her sleep the other night “Sing for your treasure pirates!” is a memory I will treasure with a chuckle.

Last week my son and I found ourselves in the local children’s ward again. Luckily this time our stay was short. He had clung to me like a young monkey. The way children do when they’re feeling awful. He’s five now, and as much as I love holding him, especially as he’s usually so full of beans and always on the go, 13 hours like that took a physical toll. I knew better, but when our children are ill pacing goes out the window. It’s a week on and I’m only just starting to feel myself again.

We had found ourselves in hospital without much warning having been sent straight there by the GP. Normally I go armed with extra clothes, extra meds, books, etc. This time I just had my handbag. I will now always carry an extra day’s worth of meds with me.In the days after his discharge the fatigue was at levels it hasn’t been for awhile. My partner found me taking a break whilst getting ready for church on Sunday morning. I felt ridiculous but at the same time knew I needed to listen to my body

It’s a new balance I’m needing to learn to walk. In reflection I can see ways I could have helped limit the physical impact. For example I could have explained my conditions and asked if I could have had a small blanket to fold up to cushion behind my back where it was spasming etc. Hopefully this will help a tad next time.

You’ll be glad to know that although still on antibiotics my eldest is back to his bouncing about cheeky self.