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Posted in Archive, July 2013

The Harsh Reality of Living with Lack of Treatment

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Days like today I wish someone could just wave a magic wand and fix all this! After spending half the night awake due to bad spasms in my feet, now my jaw and neck spasms have decided to be extreme today. The pain my Oromandibular Dystonia causes is pretty much indescribable. It feels like my jaw is dislocating and that the spasms are trying to force my jaw off my face. The pain often causes me to grab my face, as I feel like I need to try to force it to stay in place. The pain then leads to seizures, I have had many seizures today, and all of this mixed together consequently leaves me exhausted.

I have had to resort to taking my Diazepam today which adds to the tiredness and is currently leaving me feeling spaced out, which I suppose is a nice distraction from the pain. I have always said to myself that this blog will be nothing but pure honesty, and to be honest right now I would just like to cry due to the pain.

Knowing that I can have my injections done tomorrow afternoon is a calming thought . They say that you are to try to live a stress free life when you have Dystonia as stress can worsen your symptoms. How are you meant to live a stress free life when you spend weeks in agony? When your Neurologist, the person who is meant to help you, has become someone you have to battle? How are you meant to be stress free when your life is upside down and the medical profession who are meant to help you are making things harder!

I don’t have down days very often but today is a very bad one. I know there so many positives around me but it is very hard to focus on them when the pain is this bad. I have no energy whatsoever today. I am still in bed and am trying to muster the energy to get up and changed but I would so much rather roll over and go back to sleep.

I have well and truly had enough, my Neurologist is going to have to do a hell of a lot tomorrow to convince me to stay with him. 7 weeks overdue for my injections is ridiculous and I am not prepared to go through this experience ever again, it is just too much!!

 

Posted in Archive, July 2013

Life Is What You Make it

Posted on by dystoniaandme

When I first got ill last summer I thought it was the end of the world, life as I knew it was over. What I should have thought is that my life is a bit like a snow globe and someone simply tipped  it upside down and gave it a good shake and that eventually everything would settle into the right place. Now it may have taken a while but everything is beginning to settle for example why I still hate Dystonia and battle against it, I also embrace the opportunity it gives me to make a difference.

This last week has been extremely busy. Something I am not used to and left me feeling exhausted and wiped out yesterday. I was also overjoyed. I had been busy, and not just in lots of hospital appointments kind of way but in a social interactive enjoyment filled way. It’s like a distorted mirror image of what my life was like previously and you know what I am happy with it!

I may moan that I don’t like what Dystonia does and that I hate the lack of control I have, but at the end of the day I am happy. Compared to a lot of people I have an amazing life. I am surrounded by loving people all wanting to help me, and I am so thankful for them.

This morning I had a fantastic long catch up with a good friend from school who I had not seen in awhile. It was great and it felt just like old times. This evening a lovely friend I lived with at uni is coming round for a cheeky chinese. I am able to be sociable and have a social life, and I am embracing every second of it. I have even started dating, something I thought would not happen for years.

I am doing things I thought I would never do again, that Dystonia had ruined. Now I realise Dystonia never ruined anything, it restricted me and all I needed to do was find the courage in myself to fight back and find ways to get my life back on track.

My life is my own, no matter how much my little alien tries to interfere, it is mine and mine alone.

 

Posted in Archive, July 2013

Empowerment & Independance

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Independence has been a big issue for me ever since Dystonia hit me. I went from living at uni and being very independent to moving back into my family home and relying on my family to do everything for me. Simple things like just going to get a drink or going to talk to a member of my family in the other room became impossible tasks. To get around my house I relied on my parents to put me in a wheelchair and wheel me round. I often found and sometimes still do, that I push myself too far in my attempts to do things for myself and end up causing more spasms, however this never bothered me as I still get that sense of achievement by accomplishing the task.

In the beginning simple things like that fact I could dress myself and do my own hair and makeup were enough for me, as even though they were hard I managed to do them without any help. Sometimes this meant it took hours but I  loved it. Over the months though my desire for more independance built up. I managed to fulfill this desire once a week by riding, where I was in complete control of both body and horse.

Recently though I have been trying to explore ways where I could expand my independance without risking setting off more spasms. At first I was drawing blanks, then it hit me! I could bum shuffle! For those of you who are unfamiliar with bum shuffling it is when you sit on the floor and move using your legs and hips to pull you along, it takes awhile but it gets the job done.

This simple technique has left me thrilled. There are still moments where I need to be in a wheelchair as my spasms are bad and I am simply not well enough to do it, but the majority of the time I am able to. Things like going into the living to watch TV with my family or have a gossip are now so much easier.

Last year I felt like it was the end on the world and that Dystonia was consuming every aspect of my life. Now I am an empowered determined fighter, craftly finding ways to get around the Dystonia.  One day I shall be completely free!

Posted in Archive, July 2013

A Year On

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I am now a year into my battle against Dystonia and life has changed dramatically. A year ago I was a student midwife, now I am disabled and spent a lot of time trying to raise awareness of Dystonia. When I first received my diagnosis it seemed like the end of the world, I did not know how I was going to be able to cope with life. Now I am much stronger person filled with determination to make a difference.

I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and even if you cannot see the reason at first, eventually you will. I believe I have Dystonia so that I can help raise awareness of the condition and help bring about a change so that sufferers receive better treatment. I still have a long road ahead of me but its one that I won’t give up on.

I visited my GP today to ask about further treatment for suspected Lyme Disease. I responded extremely well to the first month-long course of antibiotics, due to this my GP has prescribed me 8 more weeks of antibiotics to see if I have any further improvement on them. My main improvement so far has been in my hands, which has been an extremely exciting development for me. When I see my consultant on the 16th of this month I am going to put across to him that Lyme Disease could have caused my Dystonia. As Lyme disease is curable with enough antibiotics some of my current symptoms could disappear for good, and only the Dystonic spasms shall remain.

I also visited my dentist this morning to have my teeth cleaned. I can not rate the dental practice highly enough, despite my spasms and seizures whilst I was there they were extremely kind and patient with me. As my tremor is dislodging some of my teeth it is calming knowing that the dental practice will do all they can for me.

This afternoon I have a session with my reflexologist. I am so glad that she is coming today as I am extremely exhausted. It amazes me how quickly my body gets tired. I used to be able to be on the go all the time but now just two quick visits have left me half asleep.

I still cannot believe that I have suffered from Dystonia for a year now. Whilst I hate this condition, I also embrace it. By embracing Dystonia I am able to put all my energy into raising vital awareness and funds. The more awareness that is raised the sooner a cure will be found. My next awareness challenge I have set myself is to turn parts of my blog into a book. I  hope that by doing this more people will learn of the condition.

Dystonia may control my body, but I control the path I take in life. I choose to make a difference!

 

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Which Open Door Shall I leap through?

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Despite it being the third most common movement disorder Dystonia goes almost unknown to the public. It lingers in the shadowy background letting its brothers, Essential Tremor and Parkinson, take the limelight. By slithering along in the back alleys it can prey on its victims with ease, bringing devastation to those it touches. The medical profession cowers in its presence, refusing to open their eyes and admit what they are seeing, they send you to a psychiatrist instead, not understanding that this just gives the Dystonia more time to make itself at home in your body and wreak havoc when it sees fit.

By the time the Consultant realises it is Dystonia, you have already been suffering for so long. The spasms leave you drained from the pain, and you are desperate for any sort of relief. Then it seems like a miracle has happened, the consultant whips out a tiny bottle that brings promises of relief from the spasms, the pain, the fight. A few injections of this will sort you out, he promises, he tells you it won’t cure you and you will need it again in three months. You are over the moon, such a long period of relief seems too good to be true. The consultant, who seems to hold all the answers you have searched for, does not warn you that one day you may be fighting him.

Five weeks into your pain-free period agony grips your jaw, the spasm pushing it across to the point you’re sure it will dislocate. Emotions run through you: anger, sadness, heartbreak, devastation. No one warned you how hurt you would feel when the Dystonia reared his ugly head agony. You count the weeks on your hands repeatedly, this should not have happened for weeks yet. As the reality sinks in that you still have to wait at least 6 more weeks for more of the injections numbness sweeps through you. You feel so tired. A small part of you wants to curl up in a ball on the floor and cry.

You try desperately to contact your consultant but he ignores your pleas for help. Who do you turn to now? There are many open doors you could run through, but which one holds the key to help? Who will help you now? How many more Consultants are going to abandon you after dangling hope in front of you?

Which open door shall I leap through?

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Consultant Update

Posted on by dystoniaandme

The last couple of days by spasms have been extremely painful which has resulted in an increase of seizures. My necks spasms in particular seem to set these seizures off. Even though the increase in neck spasms is hideous it shows just how much of an incredible effect the Botox had for me. The Botox decreased the severity and frequency of them dramatically.

I finally heard from my consultant the other day. I received an email saying that he would contact me with a date for my Botox injections, I am hoping that this will be soon. He did not address the fact that despite on April 5th he said would admit me for a week and still hasn’t. I have started to accept that fact that this is rather likely to never happen, which I am disappointed about.

I have started making a list of questions I want to ask him. I would like him to consider the fact that Lyme Disease can cause Dystonia and that it could be the root of my problems. I plan on asking him to remain open-minded during the appointment as well, as I would like to discuss with him again certain medications I would like to try. I also want to have an open discussion with him about Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS).

Whilst there is a possibility that my symptoms could improve if it turns out I have Lyme Disease, there is still a real possibility that some of my more debilitating spasms such as the ones effecting my legs could remain in the same state as they are now. I just want my consultant to consider it. I am not asking for it just yet and I would happily try all the medications and jump through all the hoops they want me to first. However at the end of the day I would rather not spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, and whilst DBS does not offer a cure, it offers the possibility that I may not have to rely on the wheelchair all the time. I am hoping that he will understand that I don’t want him to say yes or no just yet, that I just want him to have a think about it.

One thing I have learned through all of this is that if you don’t ask and plant that little seed in the doctor’s mind then you definitely won’t get it. If, however, you plant that little seed it may just grow into a real treatment avenue which could offer hope. There is no harm in asking!

 

Posted in Archive, June 2013

A Fairly Positive Week

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I have had some really positive moments this week! On Tuesday I had a meeting with a woman who works for a service called Cross Roads. Their service provides a range of support. On a Thursday morning, starting in a few weeks time, a guy is going to come over to care for me for a few hours. This means that my mum and stepdad will get a break from caring for me, instead this guy will socialise with me and help me with my meds etc. Not only will this give my parents a much needed break but it will be great for me to socialise with someone who’s around my own age. I am really looking forward to this starting.

My Jaw and neck spasms are rather bad at the moment. I am doing my best to try to ignore them but it is a bit had to ignore the spasms when your head is completely lopsided and your jaw is pushed right across. We contacted my consultant a couple of weeks ago asking to be booked in for Botox treatment, but as has been the case for over 2 months now, he has still not replied to any of our emails. We are going to phone his secretary tomorrow to ask her to chase him, however she never sees the consultants she works for and can only email them, so I am not sure how much she can do for me.

Yesterday and today have been amazing. Yesterday I had another fantastic session with my personal trainer that left me exhausted but extremely happy! I just love my Wednesday sessions. Today I went up to the stables and had a wonderful RDA riding lesson. I rode Nelly again, she is such a beautiful horse and fantastic to ride. She is slightly more challenging to ride than Connie but I love this as it allows me to work on and develop my skills more! Being around horses and riding puts me on such a high, if I did not have to dismount at the end of the lesson I would stay on the horse for hours! Riding is pure bliss!

As many of you know I took part in several fund-raising activities to raise money for the Dystonia Society and ended up raising more than £800!! Last week I had an email from the Dystonia Society saying that I was their fund-raiser of the month. If you would like to check out my interview please click on the following link http://www.dystonia.org.uk/index.php/component/content/article/5-get-involved/370-fundraiser-of-the-month

 

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Stimulant Experiment Results

Posted on by dystoniaandme

As many of you will know, around a month ago I attempted to cut all stimulants out of my diet to see if it would have any impact on my tremors. Over the last week I have slowly introduced stimulants in low quantity’s back into my diet to see if there would be a noticeable difference in my body.

The results from my little experiment were extremely interesting. Whilst cutting out the stimulants did not stop my tremors it reduced them greatly, I would say it almost halved the number of tremors I have in a day. When I reintroduced the stimulants back into my diet this week, the number of tremors I have been having shot back up! I was careful to only consume a small quantity of stimulants just in-case it caused an increase, I did not expect this small amount to have such a big impact!

It is interesting to know that stimulants do actually have a physical impact on my Dystonia. Now that I know just how much of an impact it has on my symptoms I am going to make sure that I avoid stimulants as much as possible.

I find knowing that it impacts me to be a comforting thought, as it means that by avoiding consuming stimulants as much as possible, then to a degree, I have control over the severity and frequency of my tremors. It gives me hope that there are natural ways to control and treat this condition along side medication.

I am going to do more research into foods that can impact Dystonia to see if I can find anything else that I may benefit from cutting out of my diet.

 

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Yesterdays Fantastic Session with my Personal Trainer

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I am not the type of person who likes to sit around all day doing nothing, I like to challenge and push myself. Sometimes I do not recognise my limits and I push myself to far but I would rather try than give up. Yesterday I had a session with my personal trainer. Despite feeling ill and having awful spasm for several days I decided to go ahead with the session as I felt slightly better. I am so glad I went ahead with the session as it was incredible.

At the start of the session I was a bit worried as we were going to try to do boxing. I was concerned that my arms would act up and that I would have a lot of spasms, however I will never let my Dystonia stop me from at least trying to do something, because if you never try then you will never know what you are capable of. It was the most fantastic session as my hands did not spasm once! I had a teeny tiny arm spasm that wore off very quickly, but I don’t really count that.

I still feel like I am still on high from the session, it was extremely therapeutic as well as a good work out. I am completely astounded at how well my limbs behaved, it has filled me with joy as it was a fantastic achievement. My arms were not to great later in the day but I did not care as I felt like I was sitting on top of the world.

As an able-bodied person I never tried boxing, I brushed away from the idea of it, declaring that my lack of coördination and my ‘girlie’ attempts would be embarrassing. So I am actually rather thankful that because of my Dystonia alien I got to try boxing out. It was an amazing experience, and I don’t think my punches were ‘girlie’ at all. Over the last few sessions I have realised that I am stronger than I thought.

I feel extremely lucky to have found a personal trainer who is not scared of my condition and who comes up with inventive ways to get me working out e.g using a crutch with him putting resistance through it to do a chest press. Without his fantastic help I am sure that my spasms and my body would me in a far worse state than what they are at the moment. His work outs keep my body moving, which helps give me that extra bit of mobility. His help has given me such confidence in myself and my ability to deal with my spasms. I never thought I would enjoy working out, unless it was on a horse, and now I love it. I love my daily work outs and I am always looking forward to my weekly session.

I know each Dystonia patient is different but I would defiantly recommend looking into a personal trainer to see if they can help you. You may or may not benefit from it, but if you never try you will never know.

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Rare Conditions, Doctors and Reflexology

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Since I posted my blog post about Lyme Disease and Dystonia I have heard from a variety of people who have Dystonia caused by Lyme Disease or have both Dystonia and Lyme Disease. It has been extremely interesting reading people experiences of the two conditions. What has shocked me is how common this ‘rare’ disease seems to be!

I was doing some research on the two conditions earlier today when I stumbled across a blog written by a Lyme sufferer. She, like so may Dystonia sufferers do, has had to fight and battle against the NHS for treatment. Again she unfortunately has had the same experience that many Dystonia sufferers do in that a neurologist misdiagnosed her as having a ‘Functional Movement Disorder’. The more I read about these supposedly rare conditions the more it seems that the moment a doctor feels a little bit out of their depth they slap the label Functional on to their patient without listening and without further testing. From what I have read this often causes sufferers to question themselves! Whilst I understand that some people must have Functional disorders, many people don’t and are wrongly labelled as so, which causes problems when it comes to receiving correct treatment. It is frankly disgusting.

I came across an article earlier today which listed the neurological symptoms of late stage Lyme Disease and I ticked all but one box. Which has raised my hopes just that little bit more, that I may have found the cause to my Dystonia. It even offers a bit of hope that one day with treatment I may be lucky enough to have some improvement.

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Today I have felt rather under the weather, with my spasms being completely out of control. This has left me feeling exhausted and craving sleep. I have unwillingly refused to let myself sleep all day in the hope that I will manage to get a decent nights sleep tonight.

Yesterday I had my second reflexology session which was once again heavenly. It left me extremely relaxed and sleepy. I managed to get 12 hours sleep which was very much-needed. I am arranging for my next session to be done in the evening so that afterwards I can snuggle straight into bed and go to sleep. My reflexologist was hopefully that if we did an evening session so I could go to sleep afterwards then the benefits of the session may last a few days longer, which would be fantastic!

I cannot wait for my next session.