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Posted in Archive, May 2015

Discovering Dystonia

Posted on by dystoniaandme

When I was diagnosed with Dystonia in 2012 it took a few days for reality to really sink in. But after allowing myself to accept the diagnosis I launched myself into researching the condition. Something I’m sure many of you sufferers do. The problem with the internet is that you can find just about anything you want to find on it. Researching useful information can be problematic.

I was lucky and stumbled across The Dystonia Society’s Webpage quiet quickly (http://www.dystonia.org.uk/). Their website is packed full of easy to understand information and resources. It helped me come to terms with my condition and understand fully the condition I was dealing with. Previously I had not understood that it was my brain sending incorrect signals to my muscles causing them to go into painful spasms. I had simply thought they were just spasming.

The Dystonia Society over the last couple of years have been a wealth of knowledge and their helpline has been of great comfort. Another fantastic site is The Dystonia Medical Research Foundation (https://www.dystonia-foundation.org/). This is the American equivalent of the The Dystonia Society and is another resourceful website, providing fantastic information on the condition and advice. Websites such as these two are a great resource for suffers to use as a tool to educate Doctors, health professionals and family members who don’t understand the condition. They even have a have section for schools. I find myself checking these sites constantly for new material I can use to help advise others and am never let down.

Please also check out today’s awareness VLOG on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEGq26wHwpo&feature=youtu.be

Posted in Archive, May 2015

Medication Minefield

Posted on by dystoniaandme

When diagnosed with Dystonia there is a minefield of medication surrounding you. One wrong move and your limbs are distorting and spasming at a rate that threatens to hospitalise you. A medication that works rather well for one person may have dire side effects on another. Keeping a diary of what medications you have tried and your reactions can come in handy.

Botox injections is a widely used treatment for Dystonia, and in many offers a degree of relief from their symptoms. In the majority of sufferers the injections are administered every 3 months. Personally for me, I find that the injections only last around 5 to 6 weeks so my neurologist administers my injections every 6 weeks.

Medication can be very hit and miss, so finding a dosage that works for you is important. For example, Diazepam is a commonly used muscle relaxant to treat Dystonia. For me if you give a very small dose as a one off I will be fine, in fact I will sleep fantastically well. However if you give me a second dose that same day, or the next day I will have a psychotic break. The last time this happened I seriously thought that if I had my leg amputated I would be cured of Dystonia. It makes no sense, but at that time I was convinced.

One of the issues I have discovered since becoming ill is persuading Drs to play around with medication. Often this can unsettle them, especially when treating a condition such as Dystonia that many have not come across before. Due to this I have found many Drs unwilling to change medication or try different combinations, it has often resulted in me battling before they agree to try. It is sad that this is the case. I have said it many times before and I will say it again, the more awareness there is the better treatment we Dystonia sufferers will receive.

On Wednesday 6th May a Dystonia Awareness message will be sent out Via Thunderclap. The more people that sign up for this the further the reach of the message. So please sign up at the following link https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/24206-dystonia-awareness-week-2015 .

Posted in Archive, May 2015

Support System

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Living with chronic illness is never easy. It impacts the majority, if not all, areas of your life. One of these areas is relationships. Whether this is friendships, family, or romantic relationships, chronic illnesses such as Dystonia can have a big impact. It is hard enough for the sufferer to understand what they are dealing with and cope with it, but for people who are not experiencing it themselves it really sums up their characters by how they react.

Personally I think it takes a lot of guts for a sufferer to open to their friends and family and admit that they have been diagnosed with Dystonia. It is not the easiest condition to explain. There is no rash or broken bone that they can see, no medicine that is going to cure you. You are sitting them down and admitting that you are not going to get better, that you may in fact get worse, but that you are hoping that a handful of medication and injections will help control the condition. People will either stand by you or they will turn their back on you.

I can remember when I first announced to those closest to me that I had finally been diagnosed. I was naïve enough to trust that my support system would stay intact. I never expected it to crumble around me. My relationship of two years broke down instantly, and many friends vanished into thin air. At the time I was lost, unable to comprehend how those I had thought would stand with me through thick and thin could just disappear the minute the going got tough. With time though I grow thankful that they did leave, it meant that I was left with a support system I could count on whenever I needed it.

When you live with Dystonia I think having a support system in place is one of the most vital things in enabling you to get by. Emotionally it means I know that I have friends I can count on to listen whenever I am having a bad day and am not sure how to cope anymore. Physically, I can be reassured that whenever I am functionally paralysed for example I know there are people I can rely on to help me. I know of some sufferers whose own family turned their back on them because they simply do not comprehend the condition well enough, I am blessed to have family and friends who are here for me 24/7.

Dystonia can be alienating, in life you do not often meet people with the condition. Surrounding yourself with people who love you despite having a brain that likes to be dysfunctional is important.

Posted in Archive, May 2015

Dystonia Awareness Week 2015 – The Road To Diagnosis

Posted on by dystoniaandme

It’s Dystonia Awareness Week 2015! In a similar way to last year I plan to do a series of blogs explaining the different aspects of Dystonia. Normally my family and I hold a bakesale to help raise funds for The Dystonia Society during the awareness week. However due to the majority of my family having exams this month we have decided to delay this until June. I’ll be posting the date for this soon.

I want to focus today on the road to diagnosis and treatment. This is such a scrambled and boggy area to tread. Many people with Dystonia suffer with the condition for years before getting diagnosed. Often we are made to feel as if it is all in our heads, and end up with referrals for counselling. Trying to get medical professionals to listen and take us seriously can be extremely hard, especially if they have not had any experience with the condition before. I don’t believe they intend to make us doubt our own sanity but it happens.

In 2012, for example, I spent just over a week in a local hospital after the muscles behind my eyes spasmed, forcing my eyes to roll back in the socket and stay there, leaving me functionally blind for 15 hours. Those 15 hours were hideous, I was terrified and in a fair amount of pain. When you looked at me only the whites of my eyes could be seen. I was repeatedly told by doctors during this time to “just roll your eyes down”. Needless to say it became hard not to snap and inform them that if I could do that, I would have done so already. I felt as if no doctor believed me. I was forced to talk to a psychiatrist during my stay.

A couple of months after this I met my wonderful neurologist, who took the time to really listen and examine my symptoms. I was fortunate to get diagnosed in a matter of months. Many others with the condition are misdiagnosed for years, decades in some cases! This is one of the many reasons awareness of this debilitating and life changing condition is necessary. A correct diagnosis leads to treatment that can help improve quality of life. The more awareness that there is the better chance of sufferers being diagnosed in a far more timely manner.

On Wednesday 6th May a Dystonia Awareness message will be sent out Via Thunderclap. The more people that sign up for this the further the reach of the message. So please sign up at the following link https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/24206-dystonia-awareness-week-2015 .

Posted in Archive, March 2015

The Beast Rears It’s Head…

Posted on by dystoniaandme

…and I don’t mean Beauty and the Beast style. This Beast of mine, is not going to transform into my Disney fairytale prince charming. Sitting in the Drs office earlier this afternoon, the Dr uttered words I had hoped I would never hear again. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. The newest diagnosis to my add to my growing list, but not new to me. I have battled and conquered this hideous beast before. It took months and months in hospital. I never thought I would have to deal with this condition again. Last time it was in my leg. Now it is in my shoulder.

Emotionally I am numb, exhausted I know from the little sleep I have got due to pain. Part of me wants to draw the curtains, grab a pillow and just cry. But what good would that do me? It wouldn’t fix me, it wouldn’t take the physical pain away. I made the mistake last time round of avoiding everything that inflicted more pain, such as trousers (I lived in shorts), I couldn’t bear bed sheets, etc, anything touching me was agony. By avoiding touch I made the condition worse. I’m forcing myself to lie down on my back, to wear clothes that hurt, to put my handbag on shoulder even if only for a moment. By doing these things repeatedly hopefully my brain will relearn, again, that all is well.

The Dr went through my meds and was a bit stumped, as medication that he would have put me on to try to treat the condition, such as Gabapentin, I  am already on the maximum dose of. We therefore agreed to trial Sertraline on the lowest dose. It may or may not work, but I’ll try anything right now.

In the meantime I’m going to close my eyes, and breath. Things could be worse after all. I defeated this beast once before, and I’ll defeat it once more.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Archive, March 2015

Positive Neurology Appointment

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Today I had my six weekly appointment with my Neurologist in London. As usual he was charming himself. He never fails to listen, which is a breath of fresh air after the experience I often receive at the hands of various other medical professionals. As many of you will know, recently my twitches have been worsening. This has been impacting on my day-to-day life. Some days I struggle just to dress myself and I worry about whether I will hit someone in the street or knock products over in a shop. These factors don’t stop me from going about my life, but they do prove to be rather big hurdles though, as I really would rather not apologise for twitching and hitting someone.

I explained this to my neurologist. Honestly I was expecting, at best, for him to up one of my many medications or add yet another one in to the cocktail. He surprised me however by offering to inject my shoulder to see if this helped bring me some relief. This was a treatment I had debated asking for, but I had wanted to listen to his suggestions first. After all, he’s kept my twitches fairly well controlled for the past two years. He injected my shoulder muscles three times, which in the moment didn’t bother me too much, but I am really feeling it now! I am keeping my fingers crossed that hopefully this will do the trick.

As usual he advised me not to over do it. I can’t help but laugh. I try to take this on board, I really do. Dystonia already holds me back so much though, I don’t plan on taking the easy option. Even if that would mean less pain. I would rather grasp every opportunity that life throw at me and live every second to the full.

Posted in Archive, February 2015

Disabled Dating; A Taboo?

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Back in 2012 when I first became ill I was in a long-term happy relationship, however my partner at the time did not deal at all well with my disability. He soon ended our relationship. At the time I had not given a moment’s thought to the difference between dating when you’re able-bodied and dating when you’re disabled. The reason for this is because to me I have always believed that it is who you are on the inside that counts, to me it does not matter if you have one leg or six!

My views however are that of a minority of people’s it would seem. Whilst people are happy to get to know you, anything beyond friendship would seem to be forbidden. To many it is just too embarrassing to be romantically linked to someone disabled, simply because we differ from the norm. This idea, to me, was reinforced when several months ago I was approached by the TV programme The Undateables, to see if I would be willing to take part in their show or if I knew anyone else disabled who would. At the time I turned down their offer appalled that I was considered undateable simply because I am disabled. However now I sit here considering whether I was wrong to turn them down so quickly. Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing? After all I have been single for two years now.

An able-bodied person is much more able to go out and socialize and meet new people whether that’s at a club, restaurant, coffee-house etc. They have much more freedom and accessibility to choose to do this. I would love to meet new people. However take for example the fact that  I have no control, currently, over my left arm, I could hardly go to costa and have to apologise every few moments for hitting someone! I know some of you may think Online Dating to be the perfect solution. For some people I won’t deny this may be a fantastic idea but not for me, as it doesn’t take away the above issues which often can put people off when you inevitably meet. I want potential partners to get to know my personality and learn to dodge to my spasming limbs at the same time.

Society’s view on disabled dating is a hideous one. If two disabled people date, or marry, they tend to be rather harshly judged. You often hear and read comments on how they are unable to care for each other, or if they choose to have children that the child’s needs will be neglected as the parents will be unable to care for him/her. These views that are often voiced loudly and publicly are completely ignorant. The owners of these opinions in nearly all cases have never met the people involved so cannot make these judgements.

Able-bodied/disabled couples are also criticised. When out in public a lot of people will presume that the able-bodied partner is a nurse/carer/sibling. They rarely come to their own conclusion of the actually reality of partner/date. Again these relationships come under fire, especially online where people state that they should not get together as the able-bodied person will just end up being a carer. These opinions have been voiced with what I expect to be no insight.

I’d like to question these people who claim us disabled people cannot date either able-bodied or disabled persons. I want them to imagine they became ill and could not be cured. What would they say then?

Naturally I defy these naysayers.  I believe that I’ll get my fairytale ending, just with a few more spasms, falls and laughs than originally expected!

Posted in Archive, January 2015

Dream A New Dream

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Today’s blog post shall be brief as I have been up to London for my Neurology appointment and am now very tired. My Neurologist was quiet apologetic and concerned that the last lot of injections had not worked, which left me with my normal extreme spasms. Apparently this sometimes does just happen for whatever reason, but to be on the safe side in the hope that this will work better, he upped the amount he was injecting everywhere. This has reassured me and helped to quell my fears that this batch of my injections may not work. I am now feeling decidedly more positive about it.

He confirmed the Hand Therapy’s diagnosis that the Dystonia is in my hand as well. However my symptoms in my hand are nowhere near as severe as the symptoms in my neck, jaw and eyes which is very positive. He stressed it was important not to aggravate it, I’m guessing this means I really need to learn how to walk without tripping over my own two feet…or my walking stick! This once again throws my Midwifery dreams out the window. I’m starting to realise that until a Neurologist hands me a pill and says this will cure you that I need to find a new dream. Now that’s not to say that I’m giving up on it, it’s more like putting it to bed for a long sleep until/if it becomes a realistic option again. I left university in the summer of 2012 on health grounds and for the last two and a half years I have built my Midwifery hopes and dreams up only to have them go up in flames around me more times than I can count. For my sanity I need to take a break from the emotional rollercoaster ride that that dream has taken me on. My year of training was the best experience of my life and I treasure it and for now that will do.

My reflexology career has now also been put on hold due to the hand Dystonia. Whilst my neurologist said he didn’t mind me doing the odd bit of Reflexology work, I have to be careful not to overdo it. I have always loved reading and writing. I can get lost in books for hours on end and will happily write all day. There are plenty of degrees out there in Creative Writing and Publishing, perhaps I shall discover a new dream down that road. For now though I must put my love of reading into action and brush up on information on another genetic condition I have been diagnosed with. I’ll fill you in on this new diagnosis next time.

 

Posted in Archive, November 2014

Looking Forward

Posted on by dystoniaandme

At the start of this week I had an unusual amount of extreme spasms, these had been triggered by a medication and have now settled down. At the time it would have been sensible to have spent the day in bed where I would have been safe. Instead I dragged myself, rather literally, to college. Now my class have witnessed some of my spasms but not to this extreme. Previously I would have wanted to stay home due to embarrassment, instead I went to college embracing my illness and was only irritated at my pain levels.

As much as I would rather that I did not have any of my chronic illnesses, I am thankful for them. Since being ill my confidence to go out in public with my limbs distorting, my jaw dislocating and my body paralyzing when it has had enough has slowly climbed. Now I can laugh my spasms off and joke about them. I am very open with others about it as I would rather educate them than have these 3 illnesses remain unheard of. I must give credit to my class though who did not bat an eyelid at the extremes my body was going to, I know this helped me relax when I got there. Dystonia and Lyme Disease may have turned my life upside down but it has also filled me with determination and inspiration to pick up the pieces of my life. I always thought that I had to stick these broken pieces back together exactly as they were, retracing my steps, but what use is living in the past? Now I’m picking up the pieces and carving a new path for myself.

I am going to be cured of Chronic Neurological Lyme Disease, so despite the fact I will always have to live with Dystonia and EDS, I have so much hope in my life.

Posted in Archive, November 2014

Let’s Talk About Meds!

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I recently got approached by an American company asking me if I would be willing to blog about my medicine. I was very willing to do so and this is something I am very open about. Medicine is great, it can cure illnesses, take away pain and help us manage our conditions. Now obviously this depends on the type of illness and type of medication prescribed by your doctor. For me, some of my medicine will eventually cure me of Lyme Disease, other medicine helps me to manage my Dystonia and a handful of pills keeps my pain levels under control.

One of the key things about medication is drug interactions. Most Doctors will check before prescribing you a new medication that it does not interact with another, however some forgot to do this. I have experienced this once before when a muscle relaxant I was prescribed to help with extreme muscle spasms interacted badly with a pain-killer I was taking regularly. I was lucky that the reaction only caused me to sleep constantly. It could be quite humorous at some points when I would fall asleep in the middle of talking! I was like this for about two weeks as we had to slowly ween me off the medication. However joking aside medication interactions can be very serious and it is always important to check with your Dr first, or check the pamphlet that came with your meds.

When I was first put on my meds I naïvely figured it would ‘fix me’ or at least enable me to have a good quality of life. What I did not factor in at that time was medication side effects. I knew they existed I just never thought I would experience them. Clonzepam was the first medication I reacted to badly. I don’t remember much of what happened, but I turned completely psychotic. I was determined to find scissors so I cut all my hair off. Mum ended up having to stay home from work to look after to me as I was a danger to myself, I am thankful that I was bed bound. Diazepam was the second medication I reacted to. My local hospital had prescribed me it after my spasms severely damaged my leg earlier on this year. I was fine for the first day or so, then I turned psychotic again. This time I was convinced that amputating my spasming leg would cure me of all my illnesses. I was desperate to contact my neurologist to set up a date for the amputation and devastated that nobody could understand my logic! Months on from it and I am glad that nobody thought Hey, why don’t we give it a go!

At the moment for my Chronic Neurological Lyme Disease treatment I take a mixture of medication and supplements which works out as 47 pills a day and 1 injection twice a week. For my Dystonia I take 6 pills a day and have 6 Botox injections every 6 weeks. I take 2 tablets for migraines every day and 2 syringes of allergy medication every morning. It works out that I take 57 tablets/syringes a day, then throw in some injections every now and then, and that is not even factoring in days when I need pain medication and muscle relaxants. It is a lot to remember to take! However it is vital that I take these at the right time, such as if I decided to take my evening dose at the same time as my dinner time dose I would be feeling sick very quickly as they cannot be taken with food! As many of you know from my earlier posts one of my symptoms is brain fog so I rely on reminders in my phone to help me remember to take my medication.

Medication is an amazing thing but you need to know what you are taking and why. I am the type of person who likes to take as little medication as possible, however I recognize the fact the Lyme Disease made me seriously ill and if I want to get better I have to take them. I understand that I have to live with Dystonia for life so I will always be having a neurotoxin injected and I am ok with that.

Medications have a dire effect on the body if not taken safely. So please be sensible and talk to your Dr about meds!