Tag: non epileptic attack disorder

Posted in Archive, July 2013

Fantastic Consultant appointment

Posted on by dystoniaandme

My appointment with my Consultant today went amazingly well! I was so relieved that I did not have to argue with him, some of my questions he brought up before I could ask which was fantastic. He has offered to do my injections every 6 weeks – Guidelines state 12 weeks so this is a fantastic offer. I have left with an appointment booked for the end of the August!

He listened to all my concerns and questions and was very understanding. Knowing that I will be seen every six weeks is so calming, I feel like a huge part of me has breathed a sigh of relief as this will mean no more weeks on end of being in agony and my seizures should stay under control.

At my appointment today he administered injections to my jaw and neck, which was thankfully relatively painless, though my jaw did decide to go into an even more extreme spasm after the injection which was slightly amusing. I raised with him the issue that I am now unable to wear my glasses (which I am meant to wear for everything but walking – or in my case being pushed around) as when I do it causes a spasm around my eyes that makes me look sort of permanently surprised, he was unsure whether this was also related to my jaw spasm so has agreed that if this is still happening when I next see him he will do Botox around my eyes as well – this would be fantastic as it could help some of my eye spasm as well.

I spoke with him also about having IV treatment for Lyme Disease, he was a bit hesitant about what to say as he was unsure on what meds I would need and for how long. I explained that all I needed him to do was give the OK to my GP and that I would find a specialist Lyme doctor to discuss IV medications and length of time with. He has agreed to write to my GP saying Ok, which is fantastic. Now all I have to do is find someone to treat me.

The appointment overall was excellent and I really felt he listened to me. I am ecstatic that I have left with an appointment for six weeks time. I am going to be having an early night tonight as I am exhausted from todays trip to London, but I shall be going to bed an extremely happy bunny.

Posted in Archive, July 2013

The Harsh Reality of Living with Lack of Treatment

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Days like today I wish someone could just wave a magic wand and fix all this! After spending half the night awake due to bad spasms in my feet, now my jaw and neck spasms have decided to be extreme today. The pain my Oromandibular Dystonia causes is pretty much indescribable. It feels like my jaw is dislocating and that the spasms are trying to force my jaw off my face. The pain often causes me to grab my face, as I feel like I need to try to force it to stay in place. The pain then leads to seizures, I have had many seizures today, and all of this mixed together consequently leaves me exhausted.

I have had to resort to taking my Diazepam today which adds to the tiredness and is currently leaving me feeling spaced out, which I suppose is a nice distraction from the pain. I have always said to myself that this blog will be nothing but pure honesty, and to be honest right now I would just like to cry due to the pain.

Knowing that I can have my injections done tomorrow afternoon is a calming thought . They say that you are to try to live a stress free life when you have Dystonia as stress can worsen your symptoms. How are you meant to live a stress free life when you spend weeks in agony? When your Neurologist, the person who is meant to help you, has become someone you have to battle? How are you meant to be stress free when your life is upside down and the medical profession who are meant to help you are making things harder!

I don’t have down days very often but today is a very bad one. I know there so many positives around me but it is very hard to focus on them when the pain is this bad. I have no energy whatsoever today. I am still in bed and am trying to muster the energy to get up and changed but I would so much rather roll over and go back to sleep.

I have well and truly had enough, my Neurologist is going to have to do a hell of a lot tomorrow to convince me to stay with him. 7 weeks overdue for my injections is ridiculous and I am not prepared to go through this experience ever again, it is just too much!!

 

Posted in Archive, July 2013

A Year On

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I am now a year into my battle against Dystonia and life has changed dramatically. A year ago I was a student midwife, now I am disabled and spent a lot of time trying to raise awareness of Dystonia. When I first received my diagnosis it seemed like the end of the world, I did not know how I was going to be able to cope with life. Now I am much stronger person filled with determination to make a difference.

I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and even if you cannot see the reason at first, eventually you will. I believe I have Dystonia so that I can help raise awareness of the condition and help bring about a change so that sufferers receive better treatment. I still have a long road ahead of me but its one that I won’t give up on.

I visited my GP today to ask about further treatment for suspected Lyme Disease. I responded extremely well to the first month-long course of antibiotics, due to this my GP has prescribed me 8 more weeks of antibiotics to see if I have any further improvement on them. My main improvement so far has been in my hands, which has been an extremely exciting development for me. When I see my consultant on the 16th of this month I am going to put across to him that Lyme Disease could have caused my Dystonia. As Lyme disease is curable with enough antibiotics some of my current symptoms could disappear for good, and only the Dystonic spasms shall remain.

I also visited my dentist this morning to have my teeth cleaned. I can not rate the dental practice highly enough, despite my spasms and seizures whilst I was there they were extremely kind and patient with me. As my tremor is dislodging some of my teeth it is calming knowing that the dental practice will do all they can for me.

This afternoon I have a session with my reflexologist. I am so glad that she is coming today as I am extremely exhausted. It amazes me how quickly my body gets tired. I used to be able to be on the go all the time but now just two quick visits have left me half asleep.

I still cannot believe that I have suffered from Dystonia for a year now. Whilst I hate this condition, I also embrace it. By embracing Dystonia I am able to put all my energy into raising vital awareness and funds. The more awareness that is raised the sooner a cure will be found. My next awareness challenge I have set myself is to turn parts of my blog into a book. I  hope that by doing this more people will learn of the condition.

Dystonia may control my body, but I control the path I take in life. I choose to make a difference!

 

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Troublesome Tremor & Consultant Conundrum

Posted on by dystoniaandme

On Friday my jaw developed a painful tremor (see video on previous post) that has caused me more and more issues. Since Friday I have visited the out of hours doctors, been rushed by ambulance to hospital, and had an urgent visit to the dentist as the tremor is actually dislodging my teeth! It all is beginning to get a little bit too much and I desperately want the pain to go away. Knowing that the tremor is actually dislodging some of my teeth concerns me a lot. I still have a few baby teeth with no adult ones underneath them, so to know that this tremor is dislodging them is rather alarming. The Dentist I saw was an extremely lovely chap who reassured me that everything would be done to keep my baby teeth in for as long as possible.

As I have mentioned previously we have been emailing my consultant for several weeks now asking if he could book me in for Botox injections. Today I finally got a date, for three weeks time (July 16th). This is 5 weeks later than normal. Now this may not seem like a long time, but being in agony 24/7 and struggling to eat and drink makes the situation almost unbearable, I am currently only just about coping by taking Oramorph (morphine) and Diazepam. It is also extremely debilitating. I have pain triggered non epileptic seizures, not only does this often result in me ending up in hospital but it also puts major parts of my life on hold. I normally go to my local Riding for the Disabled stable on a thursday for a riding lesson, this is an activity that is extremely important to me and one that I thoroughly enjoy, however I am unable to ride when I am having so many seizures.

There was also no mention of my week admittance into the hospital that was meant to happen over two months ago in this email. I am now sadly looking into transferring to another consultant at another hospital as I feel completely neglected by my consultant. I feel like he dangles hope in front of me and then snatches it away without warning.

On a more cheery note I got my splint for my left leg yesterday! This makes things like getting in and out of the house so much easier and has so far been a joy to wear. It is amazing how much of a difference the little things in life can make!

Posted in Archive, June 2013

Consultant Update

Posted on by dystoniaandme

The last couple of days by spasms have been extremely painful which has resulted in an increase of seizures. My necks spasms in particular seem to set these seizures off. Even though the increase in neck spasms is hideous it shows just how much of an incredible effect the Botox had for me. The Botox decreased the severity and frequency of them dramatically.

I finally heard from my consultant the other day. I received an email saying that he would contact me with a date for my Botox injections, I am hoping that this will be soon. He did not address the fact that despite on April 5th he said would admit me for a week and still hasn’t. I have started to accept that fact that this is rather likely to never happen, which I am disappointed about.

I have started making a list of questions I want to ask him. I would like him to consider the fact that Lyme Disease can cause Dystonia and that it could be the root of my problems. I plan on asking him to remain open-minded during the appointment as well, as I would like to discuss with him again certain medications I would like to try. I also want to have an open discussion with him about Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS).

Whilst there is a possibility that my symptoms could improve if it turns out I have Lyme Disease, there is still a real possibility that some of my more debilitating spasms such as the ones effecting my legs could remain in the same state as they are now. I just want my consultant to consider it. I am not asking for it just yet and I would happily try all the medications and jump through all the hoops they want me to first. However at the end of the day I would rather not spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, and whilst DBS does not offer a cure, it offers the possibility that I may not have to rely on the wheelchair all the time. I am hoping that he will understand that I don’t want him to say yes or no just yet, that I just want him to have a think about it.

One thing I have learned through all of this is that if you don’t ask and plant that little seed in the doctor’s mind then you definitely won’t get it. If, however, you plant that little seed it may just grow into a real treatment avenue which could offer hope. There is no harm in asking!

 

Posted in Archive, May 2013

Struggles develop strength!

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I have recently noticed that in life we underestimate our own strength and the strength of others. If you had told me two years ago that I was going to rely on a wheelchair, have seizures and suffer from agonising spasms every day, I would have told you that there was no way on earth I could deal with that. I also would have been terrified about the impact it would have on my family, my mum works full-time and studies for a degree, my step dad works full-time, my youngest sister is about to start her GCSE’s, my brother is just about to do his last GCSE’s exams and my other sister is just about to start her last A level exams, none of them would need me causing problems.

However now we are living that reality and strangely we are managing to cope. It is extremely hard and some days I have no idea how we are managing to deal with it all, but at the end of the day it does not matter how we are dealing with it, the fact that we are somehow coping is all that matters. I often feel like we are treading water and that at any minute something could go wrong, but it doesn’t.  Yes we have the odd incidence that knocks us back but as a family we support one another and that is what keeps us afloat.

There have been many evenings where my youngest sister, who is 14, has sat on my bed supporting my head and making sure that I don’t hurt myself while I seize or spasm. This sometimes upsets me because my 14-year-old sister should not be taking care of me, I should be taking care of her! Yet she is amazing and has the strength to do this, and she makes me laugh when ever I regain consciousness. My other sister and my brother have both also helped me on countless occasions. They are 16 and 18, again I want to look after them, however that’s not the reality right now.

The strength of my family amazes me everyday. Take this morning for example, I spent an hour and a half seizing and spasming on the kitchen floor, my mum also spent that time on the floor making sure I didn’t hurt myself. The rest of my family helped out, and then went around their own business like it was completely normal. I am so happy that incidences like this can be treated as normal as it takes away the ‘scary’ aspects of it.

I can’t imagine having to fight Dystonia on my own, and I am in awe of the people who do so everyday! Everything I have gone through over the last 10 months has been made so much easier by my family, I am so thankful that I have such strong, caring people in my life.

You never really know how strong you are until life decides to test you. A lesson I have learned from Dystonia is  never to doubt your inner strength, leap at every opportunity and fight with all your might every day. If you doubt yourself and back out you will never know what you are capable of doing. So embrace life and leap through every open door.

 

Posted in Archive, May 2013

Blissful Days!

Posted on by dystoniaandme

I am in such a fantastic mood! Today, after about 8/9 weeks of not being allowed to ride due to Non Epileptic Seizures, I finally got to get back on Connie. It was a fantastic riding lesson, and Connie was perfect as usual! I feel so confident when riding her, and really enjoyed every second of the lesson. I had been worried about the lesson, as my dystonia had spread since the last time I rode. However I need not of worried as my body behaved itself and I managed to do everything with ease.

I am completely and utterly exhausted but in bliss at the moment. The last few days have been great! My tea party was a fantastic success, the Go Blue Movement is going incredibly well and so far I have raised over £662 for the Dystonia society! It has just been the most amazing couple of days. It has all been so positive and I have been so overwhelmed by how successful it has all been.

If you would like to help me raise money for the Dystonia society please click on this link which will take you to my just giving page http://www.justgiving.com/Rebecca-Moller1 .

And if you would like to join in with the Go Blue for Dystonia movement then either dye you hair blue or wear something blue and take a picture of it and post it on the following Facebook event page link https://www.facebook.com/events/450399491712134/?fref=ts

 

Posted in April 2013, Archive

Medication side effects

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Normally I don’t really get any side effects to medication. With one of my medications, called Gabapentin, I find that for about 24 to 48 hours after upping the dosage I am a bit of hormonal wreck, but that soon calms down and I’m back to my normal self. So when I started taking Clonzepam I expected to have no side effects, or only minor ones.

Instead I have dealt with the joys of being fine one minute  and a paranoid, weeping, agitated wreck the next. The smallest thing can set me off, for example my step dad simply asked what I wanted for breakfast this morning and I broke down into tears, then this afternoon I found out that due to Fridays trip to the hospital I am not allowed to ride this week, cue more tears. Right at this moment in  time I am extremely agitated, if I was able to walk I would be out the front door, seeking a decent length stroll to calm down and get fresh air. Instead I am sitting telling myself over and over that it is just the medication making me feel like this and I will soon be fine…and then the paranoia hits again.

Due to how extreme these emotions are I spoke to me GP and expressed my concerns. He has suggested that I start taking Tramadol (a pain-killer/pain blocker) daily, so that my seizures will be triggered less which in turns means I wont have to take Clonzepam unless I really have to. This sounds like a good plan to me, so I shall try it out. I do not want to stop taking Clonzepam because I would like to see how beneficial it is, so I am just going to have to suck it up and learn to deal with the side effects.

Tomorrow is another day, which will hopefully be better and brighter,

Posted in April 2013, Archive

Bring It On!

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Yesterday afternoon I collapsed outside of my house and started having Non Epileptic seizures and Dystonic spasms. As I was not regaining consciousness I was rushed by ambulance (with blues and twos on) to my local hospital, where I was luckily treated by the lovely doctor who I had seen the last time I was there. The doctor remembered exactly who I was and even where the best place to take blood from me was! I was extremely impressed with how I was treated. I was unconscious for a couple of hours and have very little memory of the event.

Today I am rather sore, but I am also feeling inspired! My illness repeatedly puts me through hell and back, but its ok! I know that no matter what my little Dystonia alien throws at me, I will get through it. The image below depicts exactly how I am feeling.

Whilst Dystonia and Non Epileptic Attack Disorder are truly hideous conditions to have, I could be so much worse off. I could have cancer or another potentially life threatening disease! So I feel blessed that my condition merely limits me.

Through being ill I have had the privilege to talk to and meet some of the nicest people I have ever met. They all support me and give me strength! For example other bloggers and health activists; talking to them is a joy, as they can understand, advise and support me. Another great example are the amazing staff in the chemist by my doctors. I love going in there as I always get a warm welcome and have a quick chat, which puts me in a great mood.

I may suffer from a hideous condition, but I am so much more than just an ill person. I am a health activist, a fighter, I can be anything I want, and I can achieve anything I want. Just you wait and see!

 

Upcoming Hospital Admittance

On Tuesday I wrote an email to my consultant, explaining that now my whole body was being affected by my dystonia and that I no longer knew what I was expected to do. I have tried to bring a number of positive activities into my life and carry on with everything as much as possible without letting my Dystonia affect me, however all of these activities are rather hard to do when your whole body is out of your control. I asked him for advice, and if I he could refer me to anything or suggest anything I try. Yesterday my consultant neurologist replied, he apologised for how hard it was to get me treatment due to long waiting lists, and has offered to take me into the hospital for a few days (up to a week). Whilst in the hospital I shall see him and the Neuro-physiotherapists. I am rather hopeful that this shall mean that  I shall come away from my short stay there with a better idea of how to cope/work around my spasms.

I also received a couple of letters from my consultant in the post yesterday. One of them was a letter for us to take when ever we go to hospital/A&E, so that the hospital know how to treat me. He sent us several copies of this letter, which I am extremely thankful for, as it should enable me to receive the correct treatment with ease from them. Another letter was a copy of the one he has sent to my GP, explaining the treatment he is currently giving me (botox injections to the jaw and neck) and that he wanted me to start me on Clonezpam. I had mentioned to my GP the other day about the fact my consultant wanted me on this new medication, but because I did not know the dosage he was unable to prescribe it for me. This now means that I will be able to phone my GP tomorrow and ask him to prescribe it, as the dosage has been written in the letter. I am rather excited to try this new medication, as it should hopefully prevent my Non Epileptic Attacks.

I am feeling ever so happy today, as I feel like this upcoming hospital admittance, and the new medication should do me the world of good. Knowing that there is a plan in place is a very calming thought and I feel like I can relax and not worry about my little Dystonia alien as soon the right people will be able to see his antics and help me.