Tag: university

Posted in Archive, June 2015

Exploring Boundaries

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Before I became ill I frequently had periods away from home. Whether that was holidays with friends, slumber nights with mates or living in halls at university during term time. Having independence rudely snatched away by Dystonia has been something I have had difficulty adjusting to. To a degree you could say I have refused to adjust to it and have enjoyed pushing my boundaries even if they landed me in hospital.

At times rolling over, bowing down to my alien and declaring its victory, has been tempting. However I’m a stubborn person, a trait that I am rather sure is one of the reasons I have come as far as I have in my battle against my many illnesses. Up until this weekend I had not spent a night away from my family (my mum has always slept at the hospital with me) due to the severity, complexity, and erratic nature of my health. Over the last year we have finally found a combination of medication and regular injections that has helped to manage my symptoms enough to give me a better quality of life. So I decided to embrace this new found stability (though I shall admit I still have some unexpected moments, and have almost hit my boyfriend on a few occasions), and spent the weekend in Manchester visiting two of my old flatmates.

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My flatmates Emily and Rachel are very close to my heart. I see Rachel several times a month as we live seconds away from each other still, but Emily I haven’t seen since 2012 though we have kept in touch. They were both there for me in uni when my body started going downhill, and have spent numerous occasions in hospital with me at silly o’clock in the morning. To have my first time spent away from my family be with these two girls meant a lot to me. It was also quite reassuring as they have both done their nursing training, so I was in safe hands!

Today I am shattered, after a full on weekend with the girls, a subtle reminder that although it feels like no time has passed since we last were all together I’m slightly more fragile than I was back then.

Posted in Archive, January

Hospital visit and a girlie shopping day!

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Today started out on a bit of a low but ended on a high. This morning my step dad and I, set out rather early to battle the snow, to get me to a hospital appointment in Chelmsford, Essex. The drive normally takes an hour from Tring (Hertfordshire) but due to snowy conditions took a lot longer than expected and at times we were doubtful we would make it there on time. Thankfully we arrived at the hospital 20 minutes early so had time for a quick coffee before going into see my consultant.

I was getting the results back from some procedures I had recently had (2 different types of Endoscopy’s) , in relation to difficulties I have had for some time with vomiting  regurgitation and acid reflux. It turns out I have a condition called Rumination syndrome. For many years this condition  was thought to be a psychogenic condition that only affect infants and mentally disabled people. However, more recently it has been discovered that it can affect healthy infants, adolescents and adults as well, and in the majority of cases is not psychogenic… yet they still have not found out what causes this. It is poorly understood and is often unheard of by the medical profession, patients and public. Unfortunately there are no pills or surgery to cure the condition  My consultant also believes that I have Dystonia affecting my Oesophagus and thinks that this aggravates the Rumination Syndrome. However, the Rumination Syndrome, does not really bother me at the moment, so I am not to fussed about it. I know that by the time I wake up tomorrow I will most likely have forgotten all about it. That may sound silly but I do not see the point in concentrating on the negatives in life.

On a more positive note however, whilst I was in Chelmsford today, I went and met up with one of my close uni friends, and had a fabulous girlie day out shopping! I tried to push myself around the shops, however my arm was not at its best and after sending a number of objects flying in New Look, we deemed it sensible for Emma to spend the rest of the day pushing me around. The poor girl.

I had such a fantastic time. Not only did I get to have a good catch up with her but I also felt like a normal everyday young adult! I did not have my parents with me, which gave me more independence, and I felt like I was on top of the world. The day went perfectly minus one or two spasms. It gave me so much confidence.

I was rather sad to leave Chelmsford, as when I was at uni there, I completely loved the city, and could not imagine ever moving away from it. The last time I was there was the day I moved out of the uni accommodation in July last year, after Dystonia put a stop to my Midwifery training.

However I refuse to focus on the negative. I am concentrating on how much of an amazing day it was and it was so good to see my friend. I am completely exhausted from it, so I am going to bed early tonight. I have a great week planned, a friend is coming to see me on Wednesday, I am going riding on Thursday, another uni friend is coming to see me on Friday, my boyfriend is coming round on Saturday and my grandparents are coming over on Sunday! It is going to be a good week.

Posted in Archive, December

My thoughts and theory’s

Posted on by dystoniaandme

So today my head it full of things bouncing off each other. I had a theory that I touched on briefly post or two ago that I have now put into action. Today I went to specsavers to get my eyes tested, as I was convinced my last eye prescription was wrong, my thoughts was right. My eyes often feel like there being strained and I find it hard to focus on words or the TV etc. as it really hurts my eyes. This, I think, is why my eyes then spasm upwards and go blind. Therefore today when I purchased my new glasses I also had a tint put on them and anti-glare (the Optician felt it was necessary, and would help my eyes a lot). If my theory is right then this should completely stop my blindness. I am hoping that my theory is right!

I would love to talk to my consultant about this theory and all the amazing improvements I am making at the moment, so that he is kept up to date and could offer his own thoughts and advice. Somehow though I don’t think this will happen any time soon, especially as the urgent email (he told us to email him if we needed him) we sent him 4 weeks ago has still gone unanswered, despite phoning his secretary to chase it each week. This I find slightly odd as when I was not his patient he answered our emails the very next day. I shall just wait/chase them some more and see what happens.

I am still mega excited about the prospect of returning to uni in September! I am still improving a little bit more ever day, which I am taking as a positive sign. Therefore I have completely thrown myself back into studying/revising the topics we did at uni. I just cannot wait to be back there!

 

Posted in Archive, December

Renewed Hope

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Today I had a fantastic conversation with my university, they have decided to give me an extension on my sick leave until next September. They are going to call me again in February to see if my condition has improved.

This has given me so much hope! My dreams of being a midwife are not over! I have just got to continually push my brain/body in an attempt to make a recovery. I am hoping that I shall get there! Time to start revising everything I had already learned as well to refresh my memory!

I am so happy!

 

Posted in Archive, December

Musings on my Dystonia and the NHS

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Today is one of those days where I find myself  thinking about everything. The other day I had to inform my university that I would not be able to return to my midwifery training because of my Dystonia. I still have to speak to them a bit more about it in the next few days. Yet sitting here right now, my body is completely behaving, I feel normal. I feel like I am able to just get up and walk about and do what ever I want. Part of me even dares to say you’re fine. However I know I am not fine, yesterday evening I went blind three times, my jaw was in spasm and my body was very jerky. I know that the reality is that I am not fine or ‘normal’, but my body at this very moment in time feels like I am.

A large part of me wants to just get up and walk about and see what happens, I know that there is a huge chance that my right leg shall immediately play up and I will end up on the floor, but then again if I don’t try these sort of things out, how will I ever know what I can and cannot do, or what progress I may have made.

My consultant, when I first met him, gave me the impression he was wonderful and would fix me. The reality of it has finally sunk in, unless you’re sitting in front of a consultant or doctor the chances are that unless you fight them they will do bugger all for you. The way I see it right now is that I have two choices, I could spend my days feeling sorry for myself and waiting until October/ November next year to get treatment or I could start pushing my body a little bit further everyday and start trying to retrain my brain myself.

Over the last few weeks I have tried to push myself, so far it has been successful 98% of the time. I can now use my right hand to hold a spoon, I can stand with my right foot flat for about a minute or two which is a huge step. I am making what I think are huge positive step forwards and that is without the help of doctors or consultants, the people who should be helping me! I have also noticed that I tend to go blind when I feel like my eyes are straining, the obvious solution to this in my mind, is to go to the options and get some new glasses, so my eyes don’t have to strain so much, after all there is no harm in trying and it may stop the blindness.

What irritates me the most is that I am having to struggle through this and try to figure out how to beat Dystonia with very little help from the medical profession. They are the people who should be giving me ideas of how to help myself, or new things to try etc, yet their not doing any of this, I am lucky if they even return my calls or emails. The care the NHS provides shocks me constantly, I feel completely abandoned by them. However I will  not settle for this level of care. I plan on doing my best to bringing attention to the failings of the NHS system.

 

Posted in Archive, november

The count down to February!

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Today I have been  rather down. Which I suppose is to be expected. Most days I cope pretty well, but today I have felt so angry and upset. In February I am meant to be returning to Uni. Each day, February gets nearer and I get more and more upset and scared. When I left uni only my jaw was affected, and now I often go blind, I’m  in a wheelchair and one arm doesn’t work.

Every day I try to push my body more and more, in an attempt to re-train my brain. I can’t imagine not going back to uni. The thought of not going back reduces me to tears every time, because I absolutely loved my course and cannot imagine doing anything else  with my life.

At the moment my options are to somehow manage to re-train my brain in the little time I have left, or give up and tell my  uni just how ill I am. I have to go with the first option, but there’s a little voice in the back of my head, that I am desperately trying to ignore, which is telling me the second option may end up happening.

I have had enough of this condition, I want to go back to my lectures, my community visits and my night shifts on the labour ward. The buzz of uni life. I want my old life back!!! I have until February to get better. I’m determined to it. It’s just working how to do it that’s the hard part.

 

Posted in Archive, november

The Little Improvements

Posted on by dystoniaandme

Every day I am noticing little improvements in myself. For example today I put my foot flat on the floor!! Normally this would have caused a spasm. I was absolutely thrilled that it didn’t spasm, it was yet another positive improvement. I am putting all my little improvements down to one of my medicines. I am currently on a variety of medicines but Gabapentin seems to be the only one that is making a huge difference. At the moment we are slowly upping my dosage, to see if it will help me any more than it already has.

I am clinging to the prospect that it could be a ‘miracle drug’ for me. That if I take enough I may eventually walk, have my sight all the time and be able to use my right hand again. My biggest hope is that it will be enough to enable me to return to my midwifery training. I would take anything right now if it would enable me to able to return to uni and start doing my training again.  With each improvement I make, I get more and more hopeful that I will return. I know that my chances of getting back on the course is slim, but I am still clinging to those chances. Hoping that if I push my body hard enough and stick with the meds, then just maybe I’ll get back to Midwifery.

I am however, bearing in mind that the chances of me making a full recovery is extremely slim, and slight improvements may be as good as it gets. If that is the case, then I shall still be happy as every little improvement is a big step forward.